Happy to be Home
Aug. 28, 2014
I feel much differently about my return home than I did in May. Remember how much I had dreaded coming back? Well, I’ve been able to see why I’m supposed to be home over the past three months. It’s like I’m finally seeing what God was preparing for me to endure over this weird summer.
At the beginning of the summer, I felt hurt by someone who seemed to react poorly to an innocent card. I sent cards to 11 people shortly after my graduation. In each of the 11 cards, I had handwritten a personal note thanking each person for how their interaction with me had blessed me at some point in my four years in college. I also included my graduation head shot (mainly so each person could remember my face over the coming years). Unfortunately, one of the 11 people did not appreciate the card. I was devastated. I felt that the way the person expressed their dislike over the card seemed cruel. I also felt that I suffered a few personal cut downs that were unnecessary. Although I feel less hurt by this person’s harsh and merciless rejection, I’m glad I’m not in BG right now. Their feelings of distaste and dislike would eventually come out in a different way — maybe more devastating to me. Even more challenging would be dealing with seeing the person at church events and being reminded of the hurt.
Aside from a personal pain, I had to get the car I’m driving repaired two weeks ago. Had I stayed in BG, I might have ended up stranded on I-75 or a small country road not knowing my car had a serious issue that needed addressed. My family also helped cover me for the repairs.
A third blessing for me being home is that I currently have peace about my future. I feel that God has restored my peace over the past few weeks. I may not be working at an ideal job right now. I may not utilize the four-year degree I have earned. I do, however, still have a great shot to succeed. My work schedule allows me the opportunity to go back to school 12 months from now. My eyes are set on pursuing a Master’s of Social Work at Ohio State or the joint program with Miami (Ohio) and Wright State, but I will also consider back-up plans at community colleges.
I now close in saying that I feel like I’m less of a failure now. At the start of the summer, I got caught up in social comparisons. It got to me so much that I had to leave Facebook for six weeks. I immediately turned off all notifications after creating a new Facebook account and re-adding around 40 people. I also have not typed up any statuses; statuses were becoming a poor way of me expressing hurt and pain. Now, I’ve gotten back to journaling and speaking aloud to God on my rides to work and church. This expression of my feelings is much healthier, like my work through counseling in college, and some of my frustration has been relieved. At this point, it’s almost like I’m still not on Facebook. I’ve just now won control over the site and social comparisons, not the other way around. Thus, I no longer feel like much of a failure in life. I do have a Bachelor’s degree in Public Relations with a 20-hour minor in Psychology anyway. My degree must mean something. I also have a novel to finish at some point in my life that means a lot to me as well.
♥ It feels so weird not looking forward to classes again. My sister and some of my friends have started a new year of classes this past Monday. I do miss that feeling of starting out fresh and re-energized.
♥ I’ve been going to my new home church for the past four or five weeks now. I still like it, but I’m still trying to get used to the “small town church” culture. I am the only member who is an ethnic minority, and I am only one of a very few young adults. It still remains to be seen if I will feel like I can completely fit in, but I’m still giving effort to serve and be known. Possibly this Saturday morning I will help out the benevolence ministry at a local food pantry. In September, I also plan to attend a Thursday night lifegroup.